you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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