watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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