went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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