thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
