I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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