i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
