fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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