I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
