If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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