Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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