dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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