they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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