i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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