You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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