he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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