this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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