Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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