I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
sarcasm needs its own font
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My vagina just clenched in fear
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
