Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
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They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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