Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
