i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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