Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
