He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
