I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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