but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
