To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
