Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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