why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body