You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind