Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."