when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.