All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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