best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dick very happy bro
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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