If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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