nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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