i would punch a child for taco bell
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
