i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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