she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.