sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
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i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
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So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.