My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss