Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
