I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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