Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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