It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
