Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
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No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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