Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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