just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dogās dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a āwater bottleā. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
