matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize