i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
