I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
