Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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