Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
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Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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