I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
