Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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