I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize