why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize